Category: Parent Talk
Well, I've discovered I'm capable of doing things I never thought I could do. lol I've turned into super mom! Some of the things I've learned to do while holding a baby are, typing, eating, putting things away, and the biggest one, making a bottle. Hannah doesn't mess around when it comes to her food so once she starts crying for it, she won't stop and gets louder and louder until she gets it. The other day she was practically screaming. She was fine when I was holding her but everytime I put her down to go make the bottle she would start crying again. I needed to make the bottle so I was like, what do I do. I got the crazy idea to try to make the bottle while holding her. It actually worked but I couldn't believe I did it. I had to measure the water, pour the water into the bottle, measure and pour 5 scoops of formula, put the lid and cover on, and then warm it up in a pot of hot water. All this while holding Hannah in my arms. I was very proud of myself after that one! lol. I'm sure there will be many more things I'll have to be creative about doing while holding Hannah. Any creative stories of super mom or dad?
Lizzy
Hi, Lizzy. I don't think any baby messes around when it comes to their food. My nieces behaved exactly as Hannah does when it comes time for a bottle. Just remember, sometimes you can't always be holding her. Pass her off to someone else if they're around, or if need be, let her cry for a few minutes while you put her down. Yeah, I know it's heartbreaking, and definitely hard on the ears, but you need to think of your and her safety when you're juggling a lot of things while holding her. This isnt a criticism of you at all, Lizzy. It comes from watching my sister nearly drop one of my nieces while juggling a lot of things. I had offered to hold Madison several times, but Nicole (that's my sister) felt it was all her responsibility. In the end, she was going to drop something, so it turned out to be the bottle, not the baby.
But yes, you're not the first person I've heard tell of all the whacky things they've learned to do while holding a baby in their arms at the same time. Have you ever considered buying and wearing one of those baby slings while around the house? It carries the baby in front of you, but leaves your hands free. Those are pretty cool, too.
Hi Liz. When my kids were little, I made up their bottles the night before, then warmed them the next day. I also used disposable bottles and diapers. Cut down on a lot of work. Hope this helps.
Yeah, don't try and be super mum Lizzie, lollol. Anyway, breast is best. My tiny 4 pound 7 Oz cousin Robbie, was born at The Royal Surrey hospital in Guildford, UK two weeks ago on Friday. He spent the first 58 hours of life in SCBU (NICU or special care baby unit). Lou instructed the nurses there to just let her know, any time of the day or night when Robbie needed feeding and changing so she could express some breast milk and for the first 24 hours, he was only allowed an ounce per feed through a feeding tube, due to the traumatic nature of his entrance in to the world by emmergency C section. Anyway, Lou has never bottle fed her other three children till they were at least six months old, if not a bit older. I remember when she first gave Tegen boiled water in a bottle instead of milk. Put it this way, she was not happy. I think Lou'll do the same with Robbie. Breast is best for the first 6-8 months, then wean him on to boiled water, formula milk and fruit juices. No need for all this hysteria while you fuss around with formula milk, bottle caps, teats and the bottles themselves for at least 20 minutes, Ipod jammed in your ears to drown out the screaming. I'll breastfeed my children till they're around 7-8 months old, same as Lou'll do with Robbie, then I'll wean them off the breast and on to the bottles, trainer/sippy cups and instant baby foods or my fresh vegetable purees, a mishmash of runner beans, carrot or parsnip and mashed potatoes. It really isn't worth pretending you've got four pairs of hands as oppose to one when the baby wants feeding. You'll only do yourself an injury or worse, do the baby an injury if you're holding her while making up the bottles which involves a lot of boiling water unless you invest in a bottle warmer.
couldn't have said it better myself, and anyway, I've heard that breast milk is best for the baby, and formula is ridiculously expensive
Making up bottles are certainly a lot more work than just popping a breast in the baby's mouth, but breast feeding isn't for everybody. I'm going to nurse for as long as I can ('til my little girl's at least one, I hope).
Dumbledoresgirl, your post made me angry. You have no idea what it's like to be a parent. You don't have a baby so you really can't comment here. You're acting like a no it all. Breast is not the best if the baby can't latch on or the mother doesn't produce enough milk. You cannot just plan your little feeding schedule because pretty much nothing to do with babies goes to plan. You can plan and plan all you want but you'll probably just get disappointment. Don't get me started with the breast versis formula contraversy. Plus, maybe if you have a partner, they would like to feed the baby so you would need to prepare bottles.
In preparing my bottles, I boil the water ahead of time so it is already cool. It was only one time that I needed to hold her while making a bottle and she wasn't in any danger. I'm very happy formula feeding my little girl and she is in the 75 percent in weight. So there. She's now eating rice as well.
This post is alos in reply to you Dumbledoresgirl. I have to say, any decent mother will tell you that really is not the case. It made me angry too and i'm not even a woman. Firstly, you cant say what your going to and not going to do until your baby is actually here. Every baby is different. Our baby (Hannah) started off on breast milk but was not quite latching on, and to express for every feed is unnecessary, especially when it takes you a good 15 to 20 minutes per breast. Hannah is now 18 weeks old and is already starting on baby rice now. So if there isn't any need for messing about with bottles and caps like you so say, then why do they even make formula? What if there is a problem and you have to use formula? what if you get really ill and you cant breast feed because you will pass teh infection on to the baby? Trust me, you dont know the first thing about parenting until you have your own child. I'm telling yhou that, not pointing it out as an observation. Its a fact. Looking after babbies does not really count.
As for the "dont try and be a super mom" comment...WHY THE HELL NOT? Its her first baby and she is proud to learn new things and find things out. You think you know it all, let me tell you, you haven't the first clue. When you have your baby, come back here and tell us different - but until then, listen, watch and learn coz your gonna need it!
O believe, me, I've been watching, listening and learning how to be a parent myself. I've read all the You And Your Child magazines going, in fact, there's a whole two blimming shelves chock full of them next to my bed, I've watched all the parenting programs and taken it all in on Discovery Home and Health and most important of all, I've snatched any first-hand moments with my cousins, helping look after them so I know what to do when I have my own children,almost since I learnt to walk. I appologize profusely for everything and anything I said in the last post which offended anybody. I do understand we all have our own ways of doing things, but for example, being super mom, as a couple of other people commented, it isn't really advisable to have both arms full with the baby when a couple of inches in front of the baby, you have perhaps a gas or electric element switched on with a pan of boiling water on it for heating the milk and the bottles. It might all end in tears one day and it only takes a second for a baby to pull a pan of boiling water off the stove when they get older. As for the breastfeeding, I know there can be a few drawbacks with it, such as serious illness in the mother, babies refusing or finding it difficult to latch on,breast milk drying up, due to stress, which is in fact what happened with me and my own mum because I was born with a cleft lip and palette and my multiple eye conditions resulting in my visual impairment and I also had heart problems, so mum was really stressed out by it all and lost all her milk in a couple of weeks of my birth, so I had no choice but to drink soyer formula milk as I was also allergic to standerd cow's milk formula, so I also understand how the things I said in post 6 could offend some people, but I'll be sure to work as closely as I can with my GP and midwife to ensure I don't leave the hospital till my children latch on to the breast. I would never feel very comfortable measuring out formula in to bottles. Why, making a jar of ovalteen or something now, I spill the powder all over the kitchen worktops, so either a sighted family member or my sighted partner/husband would have that little pleasure in life if I simply had no other way of feeding the baby.
Jen.
O, and if anyone else wants to throw the blimming parenting book at me and tell me I know nothing, don't! I suggest instead, you log on to Supernanny Jo Frost's website and tell her either, she knows nothing or she's not fit to be a parent herself. Despite nearly 17 years of travelling far and wide, helping thousands of families out with their difficult, downright naughty or simply clingy small children, she's quite happy just to set up home, in London with her boyfriend for now. She's just 36/37 years old and as far as we know, the happy couple aren't intending to have their own children any time soon.
Jen.
Okay, Jen, what's the web site? I've been really interested in the work she's done with families and have seen the show myself. She's amazing.
And to those moms who do use formula, I have nothing against you. Whatever works for you is perfectly fine. Is it a balancing act, holding a baby and preparing a bottle?
My goodness Dumbledoresgirl, your going to have some real problems. Despite what you say, I will throw "the parenting book" at you. First let me say, there is nothing wrong with knowledge. Read and watch as much as you can or want to. But if you go around thinking that you know it all which you blaintently do, your going to run into some serious trouble. When you have your own baby, you will finally hit reality and you will then know what i'm talking about. Nothing can prepare you for the first time your baby is sick everywhere or the first time you try to feed them and they are tired and cry blue murder at you but you know they want food so you have to give it to them. Nothing can prepare you for bathing or even holding. What about when they get thier shots? Every baby is different. But believe what you want. And I dont have anything against breast feeding, however, you need to keep an open mind and its always a good idea to keep some spare bottles around the house just in case. But before you even think about becoing a mother, I suggest you build your life skills. Powder is not the only thing you will have to mix up. Baby rice is the same thing. Its powder you have to mix with milk. If you spill powder everywhere, your not going to be good at feeding, changing or even bathing your baby now are you. Now looking after your cousins new borns is again different. You are not their mother. Babies react differently to strangers or other people than they do with their mother, but you would know all about that being the know-it-all you are. My advice in a nutshell for you is, there is nothing wrong with knowledge, but dont swear by it. Nothing can prepare you for what you will come up against. Improve your life skills becuase you WILL need them if not now, but in the future. And finally, get into the real bloody world.
Oh yeh, almost forgot! Its not that difficult making a bottle and holding a baby, but there again, I have some sight.
I almost forgot about the emotional struggles that come with parenting. I'm not a parent yet, but for moms who have multiples, and have managed to keep their sanity, you rock.
In fact, to every parent who has had at least one, or has a baby at present, I'm sure you're doing everything that is possible in order to raise a happy, helthy child. To the poster who spoke about not planning until the child actually arrives, you are right. Those of us who aren't parents will just have to wait and see what works for ours, if and when that happens.
Exactly. I am going to wait and see, and I am practicing nearly every day with things like a jar of chocolate or ovalteen so I don't spill the powder over the work tops. If I do spill any though, I'd grab a cloth straight away from the sink tidy (which is the smaler sink to the left of the large main sink in our kitchen) and mop the baby rice or formula powder off the work surface so it doesn't ruin it if, like my mum's worktop,s, they were made of a particularly soft, smooth wood. As for the baby going in for its, shots, I saw once on a hospital program, a baby had to have a blood test, so his mother made up a couple of bottles to take with her so he had something to distract him from the initial shock of the needle going in. He wasn't really bothered. He was just sucking like crazy on that bottle. And as for when the baby's ill, I guess I'd adapt very easily to those nights when he/she doesn't want to go in his/her cot, I'd just sit with it and give him/her all the TLC in the world that he/she needed till he/she was well again, not to mention all the Infant Paracetamol, Nurofen, Calpol, Cough syrup Etc in my first aid box/medicine cabinet that the child needs to help him/her recover from the stomach upset, flu, very bad cold, ear ache, fever, headache Etc. I have a very flexible body clock which means I could catch up on sleep whenever my son/daughter decided he/she wanted to go to sleep.
The 15 years experience I had with my cousins, the childcare and Health And Social Care courses I've taken and the You And Your Child magazines have helped a lot though. I know also, I'll have to expect the unexpected when I become a first-time parent.
Like I said in another post once, you can read as many damn books as you want on how to be a parent, but no book can teach you that. Parenting is hands on and trial and error. I've baby sat alot. Hell, I took 3 years of parenting in high school, but I already know for a fact that I don't know it all, I don't clame to, and I am not really actually going to know how to parent until I have this baby in September. And after that, it will probably take a month or two to get everything straitened out. Like learning the cries, knowing the special ways that your baby likes to be held. I agree with James and Lizzy here, you can't say anything until you have your own. And my lord, if you are worried about making a mess with powder formula? Heavens you'll be in for a surprise when you do have kids. They make messes everywhere! But, 15 years of babysitting or whatever you probably already know that. But back to my main thing, watch as many shows as you'd like, and read as many books, but those things can not prepare you for your own child because every child is different.
Oh dear.
Firstly, there surely is no doubt that breast is best. And I think there is no doubt that in an ideal world women would give birth, and the baby would latch on, and the woman would produce lots of high quality milk and would breastfeed for 6 months or so and would then start to ween her baby as per the recommended guidelines. But in the real world, in which most of us reside, it really isn’t that simple, because for lots of reasons, lots of women find it very difficult to breastfeed, be that because of problems with latching, bad milk supply, or even because of lack of good breastfeeding support in hospital. Because believe me you do need support to breastfeed, it really doesn’t happen all naturally, the woman has to learn how to do it and the baby has to learn to latch properly, and if mum/baby don’t have someone who knows what they’re doing to support them it can all go wrong. So until you’ve been there, and I mean actually been there, not had a cousin who has gone through the same, you actually have no idea what you’re talking about, and even if you are able to successfully breastfeed, you have absolutely no right to judge anyone for choosing to bottlefeed, even if that choice is because they simply did not want to breastfeed. And if you think you’ll be able to stay in hospital until the baby is latching properly think again. Because of lack of midwives/hospital beds they are eager to get you out of hospital as quickly as possible, usually within 24 hours. And even if you stayed in longer than that there’s still no guarantee you’d get it right. I was in hospital for three days following the birth of my son, and he still didn’t latch properly despite me having excellent breastfeeding support in hospital.
Secondly, I have to say that I find someone reading copies of you and your baby magazine and practicing putting powder into containers etc in preparation for a baby they haven’t even conceived yet slightly odd and even a bit obsessive. Do you have a partner? Are you trying to conceive? Or are you working in the childcare industry? Because if you’re not doing any of these things I would seriously stop preparing for a baby you may never even have. Sorry I know that’s blunt, but if you’re already arming yourself with the knowledge on how to look after your as yet unconceived child, it will be ten times worse when you actually do meet a partner and decide to try for a baby, because what happens if you’re unable to conceive? What happens if you conceive and suffer a miscarriage? Believe me conception can be a hugely stressful process, and it can be made even worse by external stress factors/obsessions.
I do think it’s important to be mature enough before entering into the relms of being a parent, but I don’t think that you can learn how to be a parent from a book, or even from looking after other peoples’ children, partly because you feel totally different about your own children, after all you can give your cousins back when you’ve had enough of them, and also because guidelines on how things should be done change almost all the time, so the knowledge you gain now will probably be outdated in 5 years time when you have a baby.
And also, while you might have read the book, it’s important to remember that the baby hasn’t read it so it probably won’t comply with what’s written.
Sure I can give my cousins back, but they're only five or ten minutes down the road from here, so after College, besides getting a job, I'll be able to give them a lot more of my undevided attention. As for breastfeeding, you've only to ask for help from the midwives at the hospital. Our next door neighbours did just that when their little boy, Felix, had trouble latching on when he was born nearly two years ago. Mother and baby didn't leave hospital till they'd got breastfeeding well and truly sussed.
Sometimes, you can get all the help in the world, and it may not work.
Dumbledor's girl. I have my own peace to say here, and Lizzie and James I also am not a parrent so please correct me if this is wrong. For The first the powder if you are todally blind it is usually quite helpfull for mixing anything or using any powders to get a plastic tray to work on. This helps because after you spill on the tray you can simply wash it with your other dishes, and not trash the counters which seems like a rather ovious thing to do. As for with babies. I don't have one of my own, but was fourteen and fifteen when my littlest brothers were born. I lived with my mom and observed her 24 hours a day. Breastfeeding is not practical for allot of people as stated above. My mother could not get me to because of problems I had and the milk would get stuck in my throat. With my baby brothers one couldn't get enough nutrience from it, and the other my mother dried up quickly. My mother is completely sighted and many times had a squalling baby in her arms trying to prepair a bottle. Other times she had to juggle the baby with other things because the baby was sick. Until you are truely in the situation you do not know what you are capaple of. I personally have no sight at all so when it was possible I would put the babies in a safe place, such as the bouncey seat they had and kept it beside me as I prepaired the food because of the flame on the stove, you have to remember how ever that not everyone s completely blind and is able to have the reaction time. Maybe carrying a child while making a bottle is not the ideal situation, but you need to do whats best for baby and mother. Think of that before passing judgement on somebody who is a mother of a healthy baby girl who does everything she can for Hanna.
“5 or 10 minutes down the road”. so when you’re done giving them your “undivided” attention, you give them back to their mummy and walk the 5/10 minutes back to your own house. Looking after someone else’s child is not even a snapshot of what it’s like having your own child, potentially having to be up all night with that child when it’s ill, night after night after night.
And exactly how long do you think you’d be able to stay in hospital until you got the latch right? a day? A week? Two weeks? Three weeks? Because that’s how long it can take to get breastfeeding established, and there is not a hospital in the country where you’d be allowed to stay in for that long.
Yes you could get help from a breastfeeding counsellor, but until you have personally actually tried to breastfeed your own baby you do not know what kind of experience you will have, because every baby is different, and every breastfeeding experience is different. I for instance know women who were able to successfully breastfeed their first baby, but who were then unable to breastfeed subsequent children due to bad latching or whatever, so it really doesn’t always just work out the way you plan.
For someone who has never had a baby, you come across as very arrogant and all-knowing, when in actual fact you know nothing. And I don’t think supernanny is god either.
I really have to smile here...
First of all I sincerely wish all here with a little one in their family the very best
It is just for me in looking back over time with sons grown
and pondering, "How did we ever get through it all..??"
There were so many days of boys being boys (their dad included)
Where rollerblades were cut across the kitchen floors,
where basketball hoops would be mounted on a living room wall as well
as over the doorways to the son's bedrooms,
where a skateboard could be just about lurking anywhere,
Where one son got his head stuck though the rails of the rail going up the steps,
While the other at one point brought home someone's thrown out
Christmas tree somewhere in a month or so following the holidays but by first of all
falling in a mud puddle to retrieve the coveted tree...
Yes, he cleaned up nicely
...only to go back outdoors and find the same puddle...need I say more..??
So now I think, ...if only.... a few spills there had been...
When in reality I can remember the spaghetti food fights with walls being washed
as the sons were bathed.
When my sons and two neighborhood gals decided to use my porch to stir up make believe cookies
Only thing is they took real ingredients from the refrigerators of both homes ~ like a dozen eggs,
a gallon of milk, an entire box of oatmeal, a jar of peanut butter,
and used simply the top of the porch to mix these items.
Guess it never occurred to them to use a mixing bowl.
When sometimes on rare occasion when illness was to such a degree that it was
cheaper and easier to simply throw out their clothing...for there are those times
of wading as it were in all manner of secretions. And I do mean wading through it
"Super Mom," not quite certain as it what the term means to you..
I think I will go with the term, "Survivor Mom"
For "Super" somehow in my mind goes closer to the thot of being perfect..
...and to Dumbledoresgirl I will not bash you... I realize you are high on life with that new bundle being born into your family and gosh, wish it is that I would have been as well studied up on babies and kids before having them as where you are now... I remember coming home from the hospital and it dawning on me that I had not even babysat really a day in my life before that time... Talk about having a "wake-up call."
Finally to Fiddler, on your desire to be a Super Mom I commend you for my thots are that you are coming from a place of love and finding that as you love your baby and provide for that one the care that is required that you have stepped out from where you had been and are doing things you never even had dreamt of. Hey, I wish you the best *smile
I guess that term is a bit of a bother to me only when used to encompass being say, "Super Woman," like to be the perfect mom, work a full 40 hour week, attend to community meetings, keep a perfectly kempt home and the list goes on... for me it had always been a placing of priorities, with my sons/family members coming first... on more days than not the housework went by the way side so as I could take the time to take my sons outdoors hiking as well as finger painting with them and so forth. To me I guess it comes down to defining in some respects the various terms that can be given to us by others, realizing we each must do in the end what we feel is in the best interest of each our own families...
Connie
That was beautiful!
Firstly, thanks to all that have replied! You are all truly good and understanding people and i'm sure everyone that wants a baby would make a great mother / father and everyone who already has a child has done everything they can to help them lead a happy healthy life. This is with the exception of Dumbledoresgirl. My god, you still just dont get it do you? After all these differnet people saying teh same as us. Sorry but are you thick? It brings me to ask some quite blunt and straigt forward questions to you. CAn you actually amke a cup of coffee? Do you have a partner? Are you trying for a baby? Why are you so obsessed with other babies? You know, from experience, parents of new born babies hate it when someone (family or not) tries to help them. Your making it sound like your cousin isn't capable - and you certainly are not. You need to get into the real world here. Just you wait. Lizzy had problems ith our baby latching on and they didn't care. They wanted her bed, so it was out with the breast and in with the bottles of Aptimil. Sure the midwife will help, but bullshit will they let you stay in hospital until it is "well and truly sussed". You really think the NHS have the ability for that? Lizzy had a C-Section and was only in 2 days after birth - now that is saying something. Did you know there is a shortage of midwifes int he UK? Did you know that there is amost 8 patients to 1 or 2 midwifes in delivery suite at any one time? And you think they have the time to teach you breastfeeding. NO. They just pass you off to the ward staff buecause they are too busy. Times have changed for the worse. Your in for one hell of a shock in all respects.
Ok, now i have that out of the way, its the super mom thing. I can see how it may have been a bad choice of wording for some people, but when you have just had a new baby, your first baby, you do feel that way.
I totally agree with Connie/Grace. Kids come first, no one can or will disagree with that.
Dumbledoresgirl, your tenacity and knowledge is admirable. I think you will find, however, that all the knowledge and tenacity will not solve all problems. You'll change your mind a thousand times when you are a parent, and many nights you'll say, "thank God the day is over," and "Tomorrow's another day, dammit!" But you will persevere, because you must.
Lizzie, hats off to you, and my sympathy too. There will be many of us who try to tell you how to do things, but you are the one responsible, so, listen only to your pediatrician, and enjoy it, it ends all too soon.
Bob
Well, I'm sorry James and Lizzie if I am an insufferable know-it-all. I just come from a whole blimming family of insufferable know-it-alls. My mum actually trained as a fully-quallified nurse and midwife and even had a full-time job at Ashford hospital in Middlesex in the Special Care baby unit there for the best part of 8 years till I was born in 1983. When she'd had me, she went back to work at the hospital part-time at weekends, till shortly after my dad left home when I was 18 months old. My aunt and uncle were nearly three years younger, so there was always the babies or younger children there when mum was still at home with my grandparents. When mum gave up nursing to look after me though, times were fairly hard. I hit the terrible twos big style and money was also in incredably short supply for about three years, but that didn't stop mum doing absolutely everything she could to ensure I didn't suffer. My toys consisted of a garage and matchbox cars, soft toys, dolls and a hand-me-down dolls pram and home-made dolls, beds, I sometimes got the food off mum's plate and she went without, and when mum did go back to work, finding a job with BUPA, she left me not with a childminder or nursery nurse, Gran offered to give up work and look after me when mum needed some time to herself. Three years after I started School, my Aunt married and within 15 months of the wedding, she was asking, she enlisted mum's services with baby Joe. Two years after that, Kezzie, Joe's little sister came along, three years after that, Tegen, the second little sister came along, so mum of course, stepped in as and when she needed to and as luck would have it, I was old enough to learn from mum, gran and Auntie Lou, the pros and cons of babyhood and childhood, with three children, all with slightly different personalities. Robbie's three weeks old today and a very, very content little chap, always zonked out in the pram and only awake for half an hour for each of his feeds, which he will not take when his nappy's soiled. Lou's midwife said very tiny babies tend to be like Robbie. So, therefore, I haven't just learnt from books, TV and internet. I learnt from a lot of experience with quite a few babies and small children in the family.
And still even as a non parent it stands out to me that you are an insufferable no-it-all. nothing you said in your last post to try and justify all the things you've said before goes any further to accepting the fact you have so much to learn. You might think you know everything in theory, you will almost definitely find one day you know nothing of any real value.
Listen to the parents here, and take notice and maybe by accepting they are right about you, you can position yourself far better for when that day comes that you are a parent. Right now I'd honestly question how lucky a child would be born to you, you need to step back and realise life's different for everyone, and you have to learn your bit when the time comes, not from all these damn books tv shows and so called family experiences.
Totally agreed Kev. And yet, I think she still wont understand it. Your preparing for something that may never be. You still haven't answered any of our questions, it was to be quite honest, a total waste of your time posting and our time reading. We dont wnat to know aobut your family experiences that probablly wont help you. Lizzy looked after her sister's kids for 6 months as if they were her own, the youngest being 6 months old and even she has said how different it is having her own baby compared to that. Quite frankly, your anoying, all about your self, nnow-it-all and just because your family are know-it-all's doesn't mean you have to follow in thier footsteps. Like kev said, sit back and take teh advice thats been given to you and admit that you dont have a clue. Oh and answer our questions aswell.
If anyone had asked me any questions in this topic, I would've answered them. I'm only repeating what my elders and betters taught me or told me, I've asked a fully-trained nurse and midwife, my mother, anything I didn't find out on the internet, in books, on the GNVQ health and social care course and the Child Development course or on TV or radio. I know, when I have my own child, I can't switch it off with a little button at the top of its, spinal collumn or give it back to its mum at the end of the day, because it would be my baby and my partner/husband's baby. I know things will be different if and when I have my own children, in the not-too-distant future, so, please, please, please, stop, getting at me. I never intended to post to this topic and have a whole lot of well, nastiness thrown back at me. There are some situations and scenarios where it just won't do, not to be an insufferable know-it-all, and anyone's first child is one of those things you can't just start from scratch. You do have to have all this background knowledge if and when you start a family, and the next best people to ask are your parents or grandparents if they're still around, which is what I'll be doing when I plan to start a family before I turn 35. O, and anyone who gets on the wrong side of me on the Zone, believe me, they know about it and go straight on my Ignore list till I get an appology.
First of all, that is really mature of you, just putting us on ignore like that - proves our point your in the wrong really doesn't it. Secondaly, can you not read or something? There, thats a question! Here, just for you are some of the questions from this board aimed at you.
From: SugarBaby
1. Do you have a partner?
2. Are you trying to conceive?
3. Or are you working in the childcare industry?
From: grunshaw
1. CAn you actually amke a cup of coffee?
2. Do you have a partner?
3. Are you trying for a baby?
4. Why are you so obsessed with other babies?
5. Are you thick?
You still after 30 posts just dont get it do you! We all think your a know it all, we all think your going to make a bad parent right about now (not in the future when you finally believe we are right) and we are not getting at you because of your knowledge. Knowledge is important, but knowledge is not everything - far from it. So here is some harsh words of advice.
First I want to say I'm not a parent yet. However, my husband and I have both lost a baby and are trying to conceive again. Secondly, both my husband and I have had experience with raising children, and I'm not talking about just babysitting. My husband was soully responsible for his eldest nephew for the first 11 and a half months of his life. I was the one who was primarily responsible for my 3 younger cyblings. Admittedly my time was only the 3 months of the summer when I had to visit my dad, but I saw a great bit of what babies can do. However, we will be the first to admit that neither of us are experts. Before I go on, I have another question for Jen. Were you saying that your cousin Robby was like all small babies in his sleeping? If so, I can disagree from watching my nephew who was born 4 weeks prematurely and hardly slept then; or now for that matter. As others have said, all babies are different, and I don't think you can generalize beyond love, diapers, feeding and toys. Next, I'd like to say. Congrads to all people who have little bundles of your own. Maybe someday soon we'll join that blessed number. :) Also, I do hope to be able to breast feed, and I also have other hopes, but if things come up we're trying to be prepared to adjust our ideas. I personally think knowledge is great, but keeping an open mind, being willing to adjust and learn are just as important.
Well, Lou thinks Robbie's a lot more content and peaceful than her other three children, now nearly 10, nearly 13 and nearly 15 years old, (all their birthdays fall in July) I knew Kezzie and Tegen had some incredibly bad days where they screamed constantly, and other days where they were content just sitting in the pram and "talking" to themselves. OK, I was away at Boarding School, New College Worcester when the girls were tiny, but I was home every couple of weeks and at half-terms and holidays so I was able to help out as best I could, if and when they needed a babysitter. Robbie on the other hand, now weighs 6 lbs so he's put 1 pound 9 ounces on since he was born and still doesn't want to wake up when it's time for his feeds, aw'w'w bless. Mind you, this shiny little baby boy's probably hiding his true colours which he'll start to show at around 6-9 months when a lot of children become a lot more wary of strangers, even family members. We'll just have to wait and see.
you still haven't answered the questions jen. Did you ignore Grunshaw because I can repost thenm if you are that ignorent of a person to think ignoring something will make it stop... if that's how you'll be as a mother... I feel bad for any future child you might have...
O all right, go on, repost them.
Thank You Damia, totally in agreement. And yes, she did ignore both myself and fiddler! Ignoring something / someone really makes it go away.....yeh, right! Welcome to the real world Jen!
Thank you very much James. I've been in the real world for23 years and do not, under any circumstances, take ear-bashings too well, when a quallified nurse and midwife, my RNIB support tutor and my GNVQ health and Social Care course at Loughborough Tech, all said at some time during my three years there, they thought I'd make a brilliant mother when I decided to have children. The thing is, it is a well-known fact that people who feel they're being judged, won't listen to the people who judge them, especially if it just gets right to the back of their heads so they feel they have to hit the Ignore button if they can. Right James, I'll accept welcome to the real world as an appology, so you're off my Ignore list.
Jen.
Well, you may aswell put me back on the ignore list then because I definetly did not mean it as an apology, meerly an insult. But, find as you wish! That whole dripple of crap made no sense what ever. Your stil missing the point and you STILL have not answered any of the questions in this topic. You are still missing the point of this topic and still aren't getting it. I dont give a flying monkey's arse what your GNVQ teacher said and i'm pretty sure if they read your BS and know-it-all comments in this post, they would undoubtingly change their minds. I'm not going to waste mey time nor anybody elses by repeating what I have said in any of my posts, you can daw well just read them, but all my comments still stand. All we are asking is that you take our advice and dont be so F**king up yourself. Just deal with it, take on board what all the people in this post have said, grow up and think about it a little. At the end of the day, we are parents, you are not and may never be. Sorry, but thats how it is. Knowledge is not everything, experience is (and I mean experience with your own kids, not anybody elses). The sooner you get that through your thick skull, the better for all of us.
Wow Wow! Jen, you have no clue, do you? After all these posts you still don't get it. I took a child development class in university but do you see me going around thinking I no it all? No! Hell, I've been a child myself. I should no everything about taking care of a child because I was one myself and no all about it. That's huge sarcasm. I'm just so amazed at your thinking and cluelessness. I think they were just saying you would make a good mother to shut you up and just to be nice. Seeing all your replies is geting rediculous. They make me laugh. Hanging around qualified people doesn't make you an expert. Do you think you will learn by osmosis? Hope you don't have kids in the near or far future!
I want to state catagorically that no book knowledge, no college degree, no tv program, no advice from other who had "been there, done that", in short, bugger all, will ever be able to prepare you even almost for what's about to hit you when you have your own baby.
You can read as many experiences from others as you wish, your own is without a doubt, going to be different, unique.
Critesizing others for their handling of their babies is just not on.
One day when you do have your own baby, be brave to come back to this board, and admit it.
Thank
1. Can you actually make a cup of coffee?
2. Do you have a partner?
3. Are you trying for a baby?
4. Why are you so obsessed with other babies?
5. Are you thick?
I've got onee to add.
6. Even if you do take your courses and everything why does that mean you should critisize other parrents...
The classes give you a tiny idea. They do not prepair you. Take a chemistry class is one thing, but if you actually have to make a medication out of no where and are doing an invention a class can give you some material, but honestly your sol on making that medication because they don't teach you that exact thing in class only what they know and theories. It is the same with babies.
OK OK OK guys, that is absolutely enough. Yeah, I can make a cup of coffee, no, I don't have a partner and no, I am not thick and no, I'm not criticising how people look after their babies. I just said breast was best, back near the beginning of this board, because it has all the goodness in it that new babies need, all those natural antibodies in there that help protect young babies against some unfriendly bacteria. That is why I'm against formula milk, because it doesn't have as many benefits for babies as breast milk. Now guys, just stop, winding me up now. It's gone on long enough. That is all I have to say in this topic now till I have a partner and my own child. It's just a real shame you guys didn't read my earlier read my previous posts properly, where I was taking back most of what I said and telling you all, I know, I still have a lot to learn when I have my own, baby. Drop it, now!
Thank you.
I reckon I could answer three of those questions now James. As for breastfeeding troubles, I could express in to a bottle or if I couldn't breastfeed because of illness, dried-up breastmilk supplies or for any other reason, yes, me or any mother who couldn't give the baby her breastmilk, would have to resort to formula mil, depending on how good their NHS provision/services were in their catchment area.
I'm lucky in that I live just 15-20 minutes from two excellent NHS trust hospitals, The Royal Surrey County hospital and Frimley Park Hospital, who I know wouldn't kick you out until you were ready or well enough to go home.
Secondly, conception for some couples can be incredibly hard to achieve if for example, the mother has polycystic ovaries or the mother or father was infertile because of Kaemotherapy treatment, a shortage of good eggs Etc, they'd have to resort to IVF treatment to have any hope of conceiving a child. Thirdly, when a child is sick, you pick them up, give them a cuddle, just be very reassuring and comforting towards them, put them straight in a warm bubble bath, wash their hair, change them in to some nice clean pyjamas, read them a story if they don't feel much like going back to sleep, sit them in a nice comfy armchair for a while perhaps tucking a blanket or sheet round them to help them feel secure, while you go and clean up wherever the child was sick. Change the bed if the child was sick in bed and disinfect and scrub the carpet in the child's room if they missed the sick bucket.
As for any other parenting questions, I have a very close, loving and supportive family who're only too happy to help me if I needed help.
Jen.
And as for not being ready to find a guy, chat him up or have him chat me up, first dates, getting engaged and planning a family, well, I don't think I'll have too long to wait. There might already be a special person in my life if he gets in to RNC or we really hit it off properly on MSN. He's the only lad I've felt really comfortable with in a very long time since Primary School, but depending on how things go with this relationship, I just never know how long I've got till I am a parent and the reality of parenting as most of you say on this board, will hit me. I'm going back to college as well, to really get ready to go out in to the "real world" and earn and save up money for major events in my life like getting married and having my first baby. (In that order as well or my mum'll probably never speak to me again as well as not leaving me any of her money because I didn't do things in the right order). I'll be studying ICT, Business Admin levels 2 and 3, Braille transcription, which will be useful if I need to have a job working from home in a few years time, to be independent, able to cook properly for myself and my family, wash and iron clothes, pots and pans, do my own shopping at the supermarket rather than resorting to online shopping which can be disasterous if you don't know what you're doing, so guys, just leave me to work it out for myself if you possibly can and also, remember the saying "never judge a book by its, cover" which is exactgly how I'm feeling now, as if I'm being judged like a book is judged just by the cover.
Jen.
how are you being anymore judged than you judged James and Lizzie. They have a new child that they love very much, and are also reading. You came on here not knowing her circumstances, and jumped all over her choices. What goes around comes around.
This is so ridiculous that I'm not even reading through Jen's posts anymore. LOL. I said in my earlier post that I wanted to breast feed, but even I know things don't always go according to plan, so I have tons of spare bottles around here ... I bought a pack of three and the rest I got as shower gifts. I will try my damnedest to make breast feeding work, but if it doesn't, there's nothing wrong with formula feeding. The baby has to eat, after all. I've got a little over two weeks to go before I get to hold my little girl in my arms, and frankly, I'm more nervous about what happens after she's born than I am about the pain of labor. I feel that nothing, not all the reading and researching and classes I've taken on parenting, is going to truly prepare me for what's ahead. I can only assume it'll be the same for you, Jen, because no matter how much you think you know, things don't always turn out the way you want them to. I sure hope they don't, for your sake. It does us all a bit of good to learn a few of life's valuable lessons ...
Orange Dolphin Spirit, congratulations on your coming baby girl. I hope all goes well. This is one of those things that all the reading in the world won't really prepare you for. As several people before have stated, each child is different.
I didn't intend to jump all over Lizzie's and James's choices. They must indeed love Hanna ever so, ever so much. I have dropped the subject and answered most of their questions now, and I have appologized for just not thinking and for "jumping all over their choices" but I'm afraid, if you or they still have problems with that, you'll just have to deal with them as best you can. This really is, my final word.
Jen.
Hi, I am absolutly shocked at some of the comments I have seen here, this is not really a topic that should cause all this fighting, it's every parent's choice what they do with there child and no one, not even family members have the right to tel you the parents what to do with him or her. That's y you are called parents, not baby sitters.
And I no from experence that baby's are alot of work, and every little bundle of joy is diffrent from every other, so a jeneral statemint like all little babys sleep like Robbie is not valled, because with alot of babys they don't no what the word sleep is. I have been a full time babysitter for alittle 6 month old girl that had alot of seperashin ishues, and juggleing her wile I did things like picking up her toys was the one and only way I could get things dun. And if a child is sick and crying do you think you could indure there screems wile you do all that stuff like mop the carpet? Maby it's just me but hereing a baby that I am close to kry just does not work. It is our job as childcare workers, and that meens babysitters and family members that help out with the little ones that everyone loves so much to do what is best for the child, and that meens not makeing the parents of sed child ranting mad, because you are just that, not the parent.
Anyway. On to more plesent things, Lizzy and James, how is little Hanna doing? I would love to here more about that adorable helthy girl, and btw, from what you 2 have posted I think you are wunderfull parents, keep up the good work! And Jen have fun with Robbie and thank god he's an esy baby.
thaught this went well with the bickering going on.
hehehe smilesPreparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books
and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for
expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life
experience of being a mother or father.
1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and
stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months.
After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local drug store, tip
the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the
pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange
to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home.
Pick up the paper and read it for the last time.
2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple
who are already parents and berate them about their methods of
discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels,
and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest
ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits,
toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy
it -- it'll be the last time in your life that you will have all
of the answers.
3. To discover how the nights feel, walk around the living room
from 5 PM to 10 PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately
8-12 lbs. At 10 PM put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight,
and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room
again, with the bag, until 1 AM. Put the alarm on for 3 AM. As
you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2 AM and make a drink. Go
to bed at 2:45 AM. Get up again at 3 AM when the alarm goes off.
Sing songs in the dark until 4 AM. Put the alarm on for 5 AM.
Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear
peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a
fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds then rub them on the clean
walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy
an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the
string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for
this -- all morning.
6. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a can of
paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet tube. Using
only Scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas
tree. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an
empty packet of Cocoa Puffs and make an exact replica of the
Eiffel Tower. Congratulations, you have just qualified for a
place on the playgroup committee.
7. Forget the Miata and buy a minivan. And don't think you can
leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars
don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it
in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick
it in the cassette player. Take a family-size packet of chocolate
cookies. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along
both sides of the car. There! Perfect!
lol, it didn't all fit. hehehe
8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an
hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in.
Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk
down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes.
Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette butt, piece of used
chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace
your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand,
until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go
back in the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a
small child for a walk.
9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.
10. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest
thing you can find to a pre-school child -- a fully grown goat
is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take
more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting
the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or
destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even
contemplate having children.
11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend
it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a
bowl of soggy Froot Loops and attempt to spoon it into the
swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until
half of the Froot Loops are gone. Tip the rest into your lap,
making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now
ready to feed a 12-month old baby.
12. Learn the names of every character from Barney and Friends,
Sesame Street and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When you find
yourself singing "I love you, you love me," at work, now! you
finally qualify as a parent.
Wow, I don't think I'd pass that test just now. lol not ready for parenthood
Rofl, Shea! Lovely.
Never, and that means never, not in this lifetime or in any other, will I ever, ever become a parent.
I have a crazy amount of respect for all those who've posted who are actually parents. You're made of stronger stuff than am I.
Aw'w'w'w! Me and Narcissa Malfoy're more or less all set for parenthood then, other than keeping down a full-time/part-time job and having a roof (which is not our parents, roof) over our heads and getting married. This last doesn't really matter these days, as those certificates mean bugger all when the marriage falls apart after about 8 years because the dad gets bored and wants another younger, prettier flame to occupy his time. I saw it all, a bit too close to home around 19 years ago when my own parents split and I was shoved from pillar to post for about two years after the divorce. It can turn an unhappy child in to an equally unhappy adult, especially if the parents aren't on good speaking terms. That's basically why my Aunt and her partner now live in two separate houses, each with his or her own three children and of course, five-week-old Robbie.
Jen.
I'm sorry you feel negatively about marriage. You are justified, but please remember there are no guaranties in life. The only person who can truly lose is the one who is afraid to take the first step. When playing the what if game, no one wins. my husband and I have been married for 22 years and are heading toward 23. It hasn't all been sunshine and flowers. Who would want that? When compromise, persistance, appreciation, and caring are mixed with laughter, shared interest, and listening, it is my experience that a uniquely beautiful joined life portrait is painted. No matter how a child enters our here, what method is used to carry him down our road of life, or how we feed him hnourishment, if all these acts are sweetened with love, tempered with boundaries, and strengthened with discipline he/she will flourish.